I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
