i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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