I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
