I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
