I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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