There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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