just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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