i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
