Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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