the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
