oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
