Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
