I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
