I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Your shirt... Was in my pants
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
