I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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