Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
