He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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