i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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