ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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