I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
