So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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