i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Holy shit dude........stairs
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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