I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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