This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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