I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
