I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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