all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
