margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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