the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
