Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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