I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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