We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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