Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
