i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
