so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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