guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You smell like stripper and shame
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
