i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
