Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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