ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize