Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
