I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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