thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
