Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
