You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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