guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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