Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
