Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
