moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize