i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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