I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
