3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
