I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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