I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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