Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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