I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
50% drunk capacity currently
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize
