ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
