Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Come on in and take your pants off
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