i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
