saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
