census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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