keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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