Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
