I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
