He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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