ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
