All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
