Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
