Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't deserve a penis
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
