you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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