quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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