and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
