Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she pinky promised me she was 18
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
