I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
