im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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