Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
