Tell her she can't have a vagina
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
