That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
